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Kissing: the first step in sexual communication

Kissing: the first step in sexual communication

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By Yetunde Arebi

According to the Longman’s Dictionary of Contemporary English, a kiss is a
touch with the lips between two people as a greeting or to show love. In a
romantic context, a kiss is the first opportunity for intending or established
partners to physically connect with each other. The kissing act has a variety
of names which include, smooching, making out or lip-locking.

The kiss you share with a partner can be as unique as your relationship with
the person. A good kiss can be the beginning of a beautiful relationship, a
journey through your partner’s soul. And whether it’s your first kiss or your
thousandth, whether it’s with someone new or with your long term partner,
kissing leaves an impression, one that lingers long after your lips have
disengaged.

A good kiss is more than just a kiss, it marks the beginning of
communication by a man to the woman that he has a genuine and sincere
interest in more than just her physical presence. This is not to say that a
woman cannot initiate a kiss. Experts say, kissing plays an important role in
relationships, fostering romantic compatibility.

The more people kiss, the more they are able to communicate on a romantic
level. “The emotional importance of a kiss is where it all begins and you
shouldn’t let it go just because you’ve known someone for a long time.
You’ve got to keep the kissing game going”.

Studies have shown that it is common to find couples in steamy make out
sessions at the beginning of a relationship or during the honeymoon period.
However, they often stop kissing and lose intimate connection when they get
into long term relationships. This is not good for a fulfilling intimate
relationship, experts say.

Another study also indicated that kissing has a long list of health and
physiological benefits. According to it, kissing is great for self-esteem as it
makes you feel appreciated and helps your state of mind. Also, those who
kiss quite frequently are less likely to suffer from stomach, bladder and blood
infections, because the saliva secreted during kissing, contains natural
antibiotics and a type of anaesthesia that helps relieve pain among other
things.

A good kissing session can last for hours without the hint of sexual
intentions, depending on the level of chemistry and passion between the
partners, just as it can be abrupt and a complete turn off, especially for the
female. If done right, a good kiss can be intoxicating, mesmerising and even
magical, leaving you breathless and in a state of exquisite euphoria.
So, how does a partner take advantage of all the benefits of the kiss while
maximising his/her chances of a repeat performance? Though I have no claim
to being a kissing expert, information based on experience and research
suggests that if partners, especially a guy, follows one or a combination of
the tips below, they are likely to strike gold with their partners every time
they reach out.

Try to keep things clean: Just as you prepare your body when going on a
date, you need to prepare your mouth for the kissing session. There are very
few people, if any, that enjoy kissing someone whose breath is unpleasant.
To be a good kisser, you need to make yourself an inviting target. Brush your
teeth and tongue very well.

Knowing that your mouth is clean and appealing can help you feel more
confident about kissing. Body odour is obviously not going to win you any
points and may just keep you from getting that kiss at all. For guys, you
need to understand how abrasive your face can be if you have not shaved
very recently. Use chap-stick, lip gloss or lip balm over chapped lips to
smoothen them. Proper grooming for both partners is very important. If your
mouth feels a little stale, use breath mints or spray to freshen up.

Go slowly: Unless you’re both so overwhelmed with desire that you have to
kiss right away or the world will end, draw it out. If you’re nervous about not
knowing the right techniques, let your partner initiate what happens during
the kiss and imitate what he or she does until you’re comfortable trying your
own moves.

If this is a first kiss, resist the temptation to kiss hard or with tongue, unless
you’ve been chasing this person for quite some time. It might seem too
forward and shut down future opportunities. Don’t try to show her how
sturdy you are by sticking your tongue down her throat and gagging her.
Lightly brush your lips against hers.

Don’t try to engulf her head. Never stick your tongue more than half into her
mouth. Half way is sexy, any further is desperate. Studies have shown that
men are fonder of very wet kisses and tongue contact than women, who often
complain that guys use too much tongue. Keep your lips softly parted and
either plant a straightforward kiss on your partner’s lips or up the ante by
gently locking lips.

You need your hands too: To be a good kisser, you need to put your hands
to good use. Don’t just hang them by your sides, place them on your
partner’s body as this will help you establish a more intimate physical
connection. In Western culture, girls generally put their hands on the guy’s
shoulders while he puts his hands around her waist.

However, there is no rule to where your hands can be. Just stay away from
“high risk” zones on your partners body (breasts, buttocks and crotch) so you
don’t send the wrong signals that you are only interested in a full body
search. You can take the intimacy up a notch by pulling your partner closer.
You may also want to try touching the face, the cheekbone, back of the neck
or shoulders. Put a hand under his or her chin and tilt it up.

For the female, one serious sensual move is to put your hands around the
back of his head and run your hands through his hair if he has any. A gentle
pull will work wonders too. A gentle pull of the lady’s hair to pull her neck
back gently for a kiss to the neck. Whatever you do, it will be a total waste to
leave your hands by your sides.

Be confident: Because the kiss is your first intimate physical contact with
your partner, it is important that you not only get it right, but be sure that
you know what you are doing and in control of your actions and emotions.
Never pounce on your partner without indicating to them first that you want
to kiss them. It is equally important that you get their consent to do this.
Rushing or forcing yourself on a partner can ruin a magical moment for
anyone and even send the relationship to an early grave. There are several
ways you both can communicate your intensions and desires without putting
them to words. Just ensure that you remain attentive all through and know
when to withdraw or take things to the next level. Don’t physically push too
hard or too soft. Yet, try not to kiss so softly your partner begins to wonder
if you are actually there.

Stay away from the Lizard-King Style as if you are conducting an
investigation of her mouth. Any tongue action should involve a give-and-take,
with both parties allowed the opportunity for interaction. Repeated kisses
accompanied by inordinately loud smack sounds are also not allowed, it’s a
turn off for most women. Get your positioning right to avoid awkward nose
bumping, most people turn their heads to the right on instinct.

Kisses are subject to a wide variety of circumstances, but certain types of
kisses imply different things. Not all of kisses are acts of love and passion
but it is interesting to note the spectrum of emotional sensation that results
from this one mode of expression. There are many types of kisses, but the
French Kiss is generally considered to be the most universally popular
romantic kiss. It is the king of kisses. A kiss is French when it involves an
opened mouth where one partner’s tongue touches or caresses the other
partner’s. This is why it is also known as tongue
kissing. Surprisingly, the French call this the English kiss. It is also called the
Soul kiss because the life and soul are presumed to pass through the
mouth’s breath in the exchange across tongues. A good French kiss is often
considered as intimate as sex itself. In fact, where it is done correctly, you
may just hit the jackpot, even if it was not on the agenda before. Though
very popular, tongue kissing is very tricky and complicated such that if care
is not taken might be a turn off for a partner.

There are various elements you can introduce into a French kiss to spice it
up.

The standard French kiss is where the couple moves their open lips against
each other with some tongue interplay. It is slow, sweet, hot and passionate
and really gets the hormones racing. It is a subtle way of saying, “I would
like to sleep with you”. Then, there is the Tongue Tango where the tips of the
tongue push off at each other and twist around like in a Ballet dance.

This kiss is for those who think outside of the box in and out of bed. You
may occasionally gently suck on the tongue too. Remember that this is a
very wet kiss, so try to control your saliva by stopping every once in a while
to take in breath and swallow your own saliva to avoid drooling on your
partner.

Ways to spice up your kisses
Whether you’re an experienced kisser or you’re still learning the ropes, you
can add spice to your kisses by introducing some elements into the act, just
like spicing up sex with sex toys.

Follow these few tips:

All you have to do is trade off, exchange or pass substances from your
mouth to your partner’s. You can only do these with someone you are
already comfortable kissing. During this kiss, each person should have a
different flavour of candy of their own. You can slowly switch the candy with
each other during the kiss, mixing the flavours in your mouth.

Be careful not to choke on them. You can also do this with chewing gum,
chocolate or sweets. Choose something with a sexy flavour, like strawberry
or mint. This simple sexy act can be replicated with liquids too. An exchange
of your favourite drinks. Be careful to start with small sips to avoid spilling.
You can also try chewing on an ice cube until your mouth is freezing. Then,
kiss your partner, sliding your tongues. You will feel a sexy chill if you do it
right. For the female partner, the lip gloss kiss can be a perfect way to have
some lovey-dovey fun with your partner too. Splash on a harmless amount of
lip gloss on your lips and then rub it on your partner’s until they are coated.
Don’t forget to use one with a very sexy flavour.

Always remember that the two keys to a memorable kiss are pleasing your
partner and yourself. Never focus on what a kiss might lead to, enjoy it for its
own sake. If you hit the ball, you might be lucky.

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